I know first hand what it's like to toss and turn at night, worried about the test results I received, or thinking about if I have the strength to undergo another surgery, another treatment, another scan. Sometimes I'm in too much pain too sleep. When morning comes I can barely drag myself out of bed because sleep is so fleeting.
There's been times where I just felt so hopeless, I was in a black void of despair. I'd worry constantly about my future, if my family will get on ok without me. Real legit concerns. And sometimes my anxiety is through the roof where I cannot relax and my mind is racing trying to figure out a solution to this blatant betrayal of my body. I was for years seeing a psychologist and put on a variety SSRI's - each one making me a zombie to myself in a slightly different way. I remember the psychologist telling me almost each visit that I was actually getting more and more depressed. It was a vicious cycle. My husband told me that he barely recognized my personality and he would like me to try getting off the meds. I also started to see a counselor who specialized in trauma instead of the psychologist- mainly because we moved away from the big city to slow the pace down a bit which also helped. I realized that, for me, rehashing and reliving all of my traumatic events and psyco-analyzing everything wasnt actually helping me at all- it was exasperating the problem!
I learned how to focus on the positives, be mindful and present and how to work through my trauma in different ways. I've also learned that again the high levels of inflammation were directly contributing to my anxiety. There was a study done where they gave mice something to cause inflammation in them (something similar to carageenan) and they observed that the mice displayed anxiety and depression symptoms as a result if that!!
Another reason to get rid of that inflammation!
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