Do you know the feeling of laying on this platform and being pulled into the long tube of an MRI machine?
This isn't my favorite test at all, in fact, when I was first going through all of my stuff back in 2006/2007 I was so traumatized by this machine. I actually had to squeeze the button they give you because I was just overwhelmed by all the testing and new results and everything. I thought I was having a panic attack! I used to feel like maybe I was being a baby about it but after many conversations with other Zebras, I realized this is called "scanziety" and it is real, and lots of people feel this way! It just felt like too much at times.
Even though you can't feel anything, you have to be able to lay so still and put up with the craziest sounds...all the while, keeping your mind off of the reason you're there in the first place (this is the best way to do this, otherwise it can be more overwhelming).
When I first started going for these I was freaked out not only by the loud noises and claustrophobic tunnel but the fact that I had convinced myself that I had more tumours. So my head wasn't in a good place and I was full of anxiety. It also didn't help that I had a needle phobia due to past trauma from when I was a kid, so that now as an adult I need an IV in my arm that is essentially hooked up to a robot that injects me with contrast. And all the questions they ask before an MRI, including the one about being allergic to the contrast is enough to make anyone anxious! There was a number of times that I was given something to take the anxiety down several notches and that actually really helped me be able to handle them better and have more positive experiences.
I'm so proud of myself because last night I had 2 MRI's, one if my brain, and the other my abdomen. I haven't had to use those meds in a long while.
These scans tend to take a while to complete. Last night, I was there for 2 and a half hours so I needed to be comfortable. MRI and other machines like this tend to get warm so they have to keep the rooms cool. Brrr...I always ask for a warm blanket and that helps take the shivers off. The other thing I do, that is second nature to me now, but I think it's worth mentioning after the lady that was after me last night said: "Oh they didn't make you change unto a gown?" And I realized: yes this makes a difference when you can wear your own clothes! So I have some super comfortable clothes that I wear for MRI's and other scans. They have zero metal in them anywhere, not even in the stitching like some yoga pants, a sports bra, and comfortable soft pants with a simple elastic waist and a long sleeve shirt. When I make sure to not have any metal they let me wear this in most machines and I can stay warm and comfortable without having to change into an awkward gown.
For the MRI of my brain, to see if I'm developing any pituitary adenomas, they put my head in this cage like thing so that I don't move inside the MRI machine, I can't focus on the cage or past it because it so close to my face, so I close my eyes. Ok now what? This is when I don't want to think about what they're looking for in my brain. Ok think of something... Wow, this is like being inside of a video game. Yes a very loud video game! I think of my Son and wonder if he would agree with me lol. Even with these noise canceling headphones, it seems crazy loud in here. Wow that's an interesting sound as well, I think, hmmm...each sound seems more annoying than the previous one! It's almost like a game now...what will the next sound be like? Wow even more annoying! It makes me giggle. I think they can hear me and I hear a faint voice asking me if I'm ok. "Yes" I say, and the test continues. Wow. Ok if I can pass the time thinking about video games this will be so easy! Well seems like I'm not very patient because now it's the jack hammer sounds and I'm not giggling anymore. Ugh how annoying. Are we done yet?...no...
Ok then I start to think about a vacation I want to go on...oh wonderful! I can picture it in my mind and almost forget the fact that I'm here. Then I notice. Wow I'm really relaxed. I feel really good inside my body right now. I'm not tense or trembling. This is great, I'm doing it!
Then I hear a voice that it's time to come out. Whew! One down, one to go! Ok they're setting me up for the abdomen now. I can taste the saline when they flush my IV. Apparently not everyone can taste that, only some of us, is what I'm told. Lucky me!
I get a little surge of adrenaline when they hook my IV up to the robot. It's ok, I tell myself, because my IV is good. I'm good.
This time when I go in, the platform is higher and I feel my arms touch the sides of the tunnel. It's ok. I'm ok.
Oh yeah the abdomen one has breathing instructions. The first time I didn't really hear properly and I was breathing out when she told me to breathe in...ok now breathe out. "Breathe in and hold your breath". Ok I'm holding it and counting along with the crazy sounds. Wow can I even hold my breath for this long? Just when I think I can't she tells me to breathe normally. Lol that first one is a doosy because my brain doesn't know what to expect and I'm eagerly gasping for air now! Lol well at least this passes the time and makes me almost forget about the injection that's coming up...
I'm reminded of the first time I went snorkeling. It's a really weird feeling, putting your head under the water the first time and being able to breathe through your mouth like that. It takes some getting used to and telling your brain that you actually can breathe and you don't need to gasp for air. And once you get it, it's an amazing experience!
We went to Cozumel on a day trip
Seeing the colorful fish jutting around the corals, the starfish on the bottom of the ocean...I'm transported in my mind to the coast of Cozumel, the second largest coral reef in the world, where I learned how to snorkel. Oh magnificent the beautiful things I was able to see!
Its a whole other world down there. What a blessing at I was actually able to do that!
"Ok it's time for the injection now". I'm ok, I'm ok...it's ok, it's...cold! Just like the ocean water in certain places, felt colder than other places. A few more breathes...I'm almost done. 5 more minutes.
Is it possible that I just enjoyed this last MRI appointment? Well it might have been the best one I've experienced yet. It really helps to have something good to focus on. If I hadn't gone on vacation to have these memories, I can also imagine where I'd like to go in my mind as well...
Like all of this MEN1 stuff, it's 90% mental.
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